The Daily Nash-on

a mindstream from just another statistic…

Instructions

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Once more I shall shirk actually writing a blog and post something I found in the humour newsgroup at IIT.

I though these might be helpful in your daily activity. In Honor of Stupid People In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.

(Damn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).

No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.”

(and that would be how???)

On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”

(but, it’s “just” a suggestion)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn

upside down.”

(well…duh, a bit late, huh!)

Mark & Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after

heating ”

(…and you thought????)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on

body.”

(but wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or

operate machinery after taking this medication.”

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents

if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those

forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”

(and…I’m taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use

only.

(as opposed to what, under water?)

On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other

use.”

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.”

(talk about a news flash)

“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”

(Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)

On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does

not enable you to fly.”

(I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your

hands or genitals.”

(Oh my God…was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

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Written by Nash

June 4, 2005 at 11:46 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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